We had the opportunity to present a compelling panel session at #VenueConnect2025 in New Orleans, highlighting Chris Voss's acclaimed negotiation principles from his book, "Never Split the Difference." Participants of the session gained insights from the unique approach Voss developed years ago as an FBI negotiator – an approach that has ultimately helped shape his teaching methods.

With the book’s key messages in mind, our panel offered a closer look at five core concepts, engaging venue management professionals with practical stories and discussion that continued long after the session was over.

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Concept 1 – Mirroring

In his book, Chris Voss introduces an advanced mirroring technique that goes beyond repeating the last few words of a sentence. Voss’s mirroring process involves practical steps that build a positive rapport with your counterpart.

Step 1: Use the “Late Night FM DJ” voice – leveraging a calming tone to convey a sense of control in the conversation.

Step 2: Start sentences with “I’m sorry,” to ease the listener. You’re not apologizing, but rather, diffusing tension to make your counterpart more receptive.

Step 3: Mirror your counterpart’s response by repeating key words.

Step 4: Allow silence for at least 4 seconds to let the technique work.

Step 5: Repeat the cycle as necessary.

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Concept 2 – Tactical Empathy

Voss’s Tactical Empathy moves beyond the conventional understanding of empathy by integrating amore strategic approach of responding to emotions during a negotiation. The key takeaway from this concept: Negotiating is an emotional exercise, so it's important to recognize when emotion is offered or presented.

By identifying and addressing the emotions that may emerge during negotiations, you can effectively navigate through challenges, ensuring that the dialogue remains constructive. The following tactics can help negotiators get to a level of tactical empathy.

Labelling

Labelling is a critical technique in fostering tactical empathy and involves acknowledging and validating the emotions of others by explicitly naming them. By using verbal labels such as, “It seems like…,” “It sounds like…,” or “It looks like…,” you convey to your counterpart that you are actively listening and recognizing their feelings. After articulating a label, it is essential to pause for approximately four seconds, allowing the other party to absorb your acknowledgment and encourage them to share their responses further.

Accusation Audit

The Accusation Audit is a proactive empathy tactic designed to address and neutralize potential objections or negative perceptions your counterpart may have about you or the situation. By articulating these concerns openly, you defuse tension and demonstrate transparency, which can ease the negotiation “vibes.” Once you've surfaced some positive perceptions, reinforce them by applying labels such as, “It seems like…,” “It sounds like…,” to affirm and encourage these constructive views.

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Concept 3 – Positive Affirmation

Voss places significant emphasis on the distinction between the phrases "That's Right" and "You're Right," underscoring their connotative differences in a negotiation. Voss explains that hearing "You're Right" can often indicate a lack of real agreement or alignment. This phrase is frequently used dismissively in arguments, where it subtly signals the end of a conversation or a desire to move on.

Conversely, when a negotiation leads to "That's Right," it creates a genuine moment of agreeance between parties. “That’s Right” suggests a shared understanding and acceptance of a viewpoint, meaning that both parties are embracing the same reality.

How to get to "That's Right":

Step 1: Use effective pauses and listen. Let your counterpart talk.

Step 2: Only use a minimal number of conversation encouragers. During a conversation, try to avoid saying, "Yes, OK, uh-huh, etc." when listening to your counterpart.

Step 3: Utilize Voss's Mirroring and Labelling techniques.

Step 4: Paraphrase and repeat back your counterpart's position in your own words.

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Concept 4 – Calibrated Questions

Calibrated questions are a cornerstone of Chris Voss's negotiation strategy, designed to guide the conversation and ensure that questions don’t generate a simple "Yes" or "No" response. By initiating questions with "What" and "How," you give your counterpart a sense of control, encouraging them to share their insights.

Using calibrated questions serves two purposes. First, it shifts focus onto your counterpart, prompting them to elaborate on their thoughts and concerns. And second, as they elaborate, you gain valuable information about their needs, motivations, and potential deal sticking points.

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Concept 5 – Guaranteeing Execution

There are two powerful tactics that Voss suggests will enhance the likelihood of achieving positive deal outcomes.

The 7/38/55 Rule

This principle underscores the significance of non-verbal communication in conveying messages effectively. According to this rule, only 7% of communication comes from the actual words spoken, while 38% arises from the tone of voice, and 55% is derived from body language. Understanding this distribution highlights why meeting face-to-face can be incredibly valuable in negotiations.

Voss insists on travelling great distances to meet in person. When you engage with someone in person, you can assess whether the words, tone, and body language are in alignment.

The Rule of 3

This rule leverages human cognitive tendencies, suggesting that when someone agrees or says "Yes" three times, they are more committed to that agreement. To guide a conversation towards these affirmations, Voss advises employing calibrated questions and strategic labelling. These previously described techniques encourage your counterpart to articulate their agreeance; and ultimately, their commitment to a deal.

As our panel thoroughly examined these dynamic strategies, it was evident – "Never Split the Difference" is a practical guide for mastering negotiation. We highly recommend this insightful read to anyone keen on enhancing their negotiation toolkit!